Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Windows of Heaven

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“Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience.” David A. Bednar
I’ve spent a lot of time, far too much time, really, hating my body.
I’ve always viewed my “extra” weight, as some sort of deeply offensive moral sin.
How dare I have the audacity to be fat!
How dare I even glance at that scoop of double-chocolate chunk ice-cream when I’m nowhere near a size 4! (I’ll have you know, it was this mindset that screwed up any sort of “healthy” that was involved in my relationship with food, but that’s for another post)
How dare I allow myself to be happy when I’m the instigator of such a serious offense!
And ever since the first “health” plan I drew up for myself at age 11 (trust me, it had nothing to do with health and everything to do with desperately wanting to look like Barbie) conquering the fat has been my heroic conquest.
I wasn’t allowed to be at peace when there was weight to be lost.
Happiness couldn’t come until I was skinny.
I would pray so hard. Every night. I’m so sorry for being fat. Please help me to be thin.
This was, after all,  a righteous endeavor; or so I thought.
All I can say is God sure knows what He’s doing.
I’m not an ounce lighter because of my years of praying.
I’m still a size 12. My thighs rub together when I walk and my belly pooches out when I sit down.
But guys, I LOVE MY BODY.
That’s right. I love it. my belly, my arms, my legs the chub on my neck, everything.
For so long, I thought that I just wasn’t righteous enough to overcome my own fatness.
But I see now how a loving Heavenly Father is answering my shallow, selfish pleas.  Over the years, He has patiently led me through deep personal study that has taught me the beauty, sanctity and divine purpose of bodies.
He’s taught me how to be happy and confident. Right now. Belly and all.
He’s given me the courage to challenge society’s demonization of “fatness” and obsession with being thin; I’m realizing more and more over time how ultimately harmful this mindset it.
He’s blessed me with the knowledge to differentiate between my health and the number on my dress tag.
He’s helped me to understand that my body is constantly growing and changing and will never be “perfect” here on earth.
It wasn’t an overnight transformation. And I often have to remind myself of the things I’ve learned. But I feel so liberated. And confident. And blessed.
And I know that the perspective and understanding I’m gaining is just the beginning. I can’t help but feel that there are bigger things in store for me regarding body image.
I want to keep learning and understanding and growing. And I want everyone else to feel this way.
Hey, you! Your body is awesome. Right now. Just the way it is.
Hello, my name is Emma and I’m just ready to change things.
P.S. this girl is my hero.

4 comments:

  1. Thank you for saying all that you have said in this post. :) Yes, yes, yes!

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  2. Replies
    1. Thank you so much! That means a lot :)

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